Here Comes A Double Helping of God Rage

A few days ago I had a four hour layover in Cleveland, on my way to Tampa. Trying to pass the time, I decided to browse the airport bookstore for something holy to read. Well, I started examining the magazine rack but didn't find much of interest. Just as I was about to leave I saw a magazine on dirtbikes. It's been a long time since I rode a dirtbike, probably 45 years, and I was interested to see what advances have been made since then. So, I buy the magazine, take it to the boarding area and start to skim it over.

Just as I'm getting to the best part of the magazine, these two punk kids come sit down near me and begin to have a loud conversation while I'm trying to read about dirtbikes. Well, I wanted them to quiet down so I cleared my throat real loud and ruffled the pages of my magazine. At first I thought that was the end of it because they suddenly got very quiet. However, I later learned they were up to no good.

Only a minute or two after they quieted down, one of them got up and walked past me. When he was about five feet away, he turned around and threw a half-eaten Snickers candy bar which glanced off my collar and landed in my lap. At first I was a little uncertain what had happened, but I was quickly filled with anger when I realized I had been assaulted with delicious candy. So, I put down my magazine and got up to give the punk kid some good old fashioned 'fist-learning'.

When I stood up, the second punk kid, who was on my other side, reached over and grabbed the dirtbike magazine. Then they both ran off. I was outraged.

I don't know who those punk kids were, but I know someone who does. God. Those kids are really going to be on the wrong end of God's wrath soon. I might use my powers of prayer to steer a hurricane to their front yard. Or, maybe I'll pray for a mudslide to bury them, if they live near a mountain. There's really no telling what God will do to punish them.

Kids, you messed with the wrong televangelist.