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I Smote My Grandson's Xbox 360
I consider myself a pretty good grandfather, as grandfathers go. Although my 700 Club commitments take up most of my time, I still try set aside a few minutes each quarter to phone my grandson and give him advice. I also make it a point to send him a birthday card each year. For his tenth birthday, I enclosed four postage stamps for him to enjoy and share with friends. Yes, even Pat Robertson can't help spoiling his grandson. |
My son Ronnie sent my grandson Kenneth over to visit for two weeks this summer. Normally I don't allow family to visit me at the Virginia compound but my wife agreed to the visit behind my back. She could really use some work in the 'honor your husband' department.
Well, Kenneth arrives at the house and first thing I notice is that he's wearing camouflage pants with pockets all over. He tells me that they're called 'cargo pants' and everybody wears them. Nobody I know wears these things called 'cargo pants' and all of those pockets confuse me. Back in my day, regular pants had two pockets and fancy pants had four pockets. Also, why are the pants camouflage? Who is he hiding from? Right off the bat, I'm worried my grandson is in league with the Devil. After dinner that evening, I needed to work on a special project so I retreated to my study and told Kenneth he could use the television. I'm working on a research project to link the rise in abortions with climate change. |
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My grandson Kenneth doing karate. I don't think he's very good. |
Just as I'm in the middle of a regression analysis, Kenneth enters my study and tells me he can't get any good channels on the TV. I tell him that it was working fine this morning and we should have plenty of channels since I subscribe to a Gospel package with DirectTV that beams in over 155 Christian channels from around the world, plus Fox News. Then Kenneth asks me if he can hook up his video game system. I agreed, under the condition he didn't interfere with my project.
After working for three hours on my global warming project, I decided to take a break and went to check on Kenneth. When I entered my TV room, I saw him playing a very violent and disturbing video game.
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Kenneth was holding a rock and roll guitar and pushing buttons to music coming from the TV. He told me the name of the video game was 'Guitar Hero' and that I should give it a try. Well, I'm always willing to investigate corrupting influences, so I take the guitar and start to push buttons to the music. At first it was pretty easy, but as the song progressed, the button pushing got a lot harder and I started to lose. Kenneth told me I wasn't 'rocking' enough to win. Then, all of the sudden, I made about ten mistakes in a row and lost the game. |
This is me playing the rock and roll game. |
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I was beyond angry and could sense that the Devil was behind this video game. Just as my anger was starting to overflow, Kenneth's video game froze. He reached down and tried to restart the machine but, to his amazement, the device refused to start and hasn't worked since. Obviously my connection with God resulted in the destruction of this device.
Yes, you heard me correctly. God smote my grandson's Xbox 360 because 'Guitar Hero' made me mad.
After relating this experience to some of my 700 Club associates, I learned that many Xbox 360s across the world have also been smitten by God. The only reasonable explanation to these events is that my connection to the Holy Spirit is so deep that my thoughts can cause havoc throughout the planet. To think, people used to say I was crazy. Now who's laughing, mom and dad? |
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