For centuries, if not decades, mankind has strived to answer the question, 'why are human children and infants so stupid?' Almost every single species on Earth, save Homo Sapiens, produce offspring with at least some semblance of initial functionality. Baby snakes are capable of biting things, baby dogs are capable of barking and chasing toys, yet human babies are capable of nothing more than crying and throwing up. Neither of these abilities is considered a tremendous asset in the natural world. Imagine, if you will, a baby crocodile, born into the wild, which did nothing but cry. Such an animal would quickly fall prey to predators and eventually become extinct. Similar circumstances led to the disappearance of the panda.

A Deadly Snake Baby	An Elephant Baby Attacks	A Stupid Human Baby

As experts continue to research the depths of Human Baby Worthlessness (HBW), new discoveries occur almost daily in this growing field. For example, the level of HBW has actually increased modern times. From 1945 to 2004, HBW began to skyrocket from a factor of 3 to a factor of 17. Although their conclusions are hotly debated, many experts believe that innovations such as baby monitors and child-safe toys have contributed to the increase in HBW. The following is an excerpt from "Understanding Your Dumb Baby", authored by Gary Sinard of the Institute for Baby Research:

Evidence suggests that 99.5% of dumb babies will grow into dumb children. According to Gary Bork of the International School of Child Studies, the statistical near-certainty that a large portion of the global child population is stupid could have lasting implications. Research conducted by Bork produced staggering results as noted below:

Median Survey Responses by Children of Age 10

As reflected in the table, the blatant stupidity of children clearly increased over the 25 year study. Although not yet available for publication, Bork states that the initial 2005 data is even more depressing than the 2000 results. Further evidence of child stupidity can be found in art classrooms across the country (see below).

Examples of 'Art' by Children of Age 8

Given the widespread existence of stupid children, what hope is there for mankind? Will our roads become clogged with stupid lost children? Will the wheels of commerce grind to a halt as stupid children flood office buildings and stock exchanges? Will stupid babies crawl into jet turbines, causing planes to fall from the sky? Sadly, the answer to all of these questions is 'yes'. The only real hope for the future is to reduce the number of stupid children. This solution may yet arrive in the form of DNA manipulation. Scientists are working to find ways to alter human DNA and increase the intelligence of children, thereby restoring the human species' rightful place alongside such respected animals as the dolphin, tomato and sea cow.

A Present Day Child	A Genetically Altered Super-Child