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      <title>Red Lobster CEO Plots World Domination With 'Irresistible Shrimp'</title>
      <pubDate>Sun, 20 Jan 2008 11:07:15 -0500</pubDate>
      <link>http://www.dumbening.com/rss/1-20-08.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA["It only happens once a year. Red Lobster brings you the irresistible, freshly prepared shrimp you crave." According to top CIA analysts, these words represent the opening salvo for world domination fired by Red Lobster CEO Ken Schlatz. The restaurant chain, popularized for its quality sea food and affordable pricing, plans to roll out a new 'irresistible shrimp' menu item this week.]]></description>
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      <title>Muslims Angered Over Jimmy Dean's New 'Mohammad' Breakfast Flavor</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 28 Nov 2007 20:41:08 -0500</pubDate>
      <link>http://www.dumbening.com/rss/11-28-07.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Executives at Jimmy Dean were on the PR defensive Wednesday after their newly released ' Pancakes and Sausage on a Stick - Mohammed Flavor' was met with fierce opposition from Muslims worldwide.]]></description>
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      <title>Scientists to Study Effects of NASCAR on Rainforest</title>
      <pubDate>Tue, 2 Oct 2007 21:23:31 -0400</pubDate>
      <link>http://www.dumbening.com/rss/10-2-07.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Hailed as a major leap forward in wasteful science, top researchers from the National Science Institute announced a plan Tuesday to begin an exhaustive study of the delicate interaction between NASCAR racing and the tropical rainforest.]]></description>
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      <title>New Reality Show Seeks To Discover America's Top Brick Mason</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 1 Oct 2007 20:47:15 -0400</pubDate>
      <link>http://www.dumbening.com/rss/10-1-07.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Fox Networks announced Monday plans to bolster its Fall television lineup with a bold new reality show from the producers of award winning reality hits "Trailer Park Island" and "Small Pox Bachelor". The new show, which was filmed in New Jersey, follows the lives of 12 brick layers as they compete for the honor of 'America's Top Brick Mason'.]]></description>
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      <title>Pat Robertson: I Smote My Grandson's Xbox 360</title>
      <pubDate>Sat, 25 Aug 2007 16:58:07 -0400</pubDate>
      <link>http://www.dumbening.com/Sub_Directory/Op-Ed/Pat_Robertson/6.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[I consider myself a pretty good grandfather, as grandfathers go. Although my 700 Club commitments take up most of my time, I still try set aside a few minutes each quarter to phone my grandson and give him advice. I also make it a point to send him a birthday card each year. For his tenth birthday, I enclosed four postage stamps for him to enjoy and share with friends. Yes, even Pat Robertson can't help spoiling his grandson.]]></description>
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      <title>Determined Parent Hunts Missing Child</title>
      <pubDate>Wed, 1 Aug 2007 19:39:13 -0400</pubDate>
      <link>http://www.dumbening.com/rss/8-1-07.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[Harry Ducworth's life changed on the night of August 14, 2006, when his son, Kyle, went missing. "Kyle went to meet some friends at the local park about a mile from our house. Around 10pm we realized Kyle hadn't returned home and we started looking for him" said Kyle's mother Sandra. Kyle wasn't found after a week of searching by state authorities.

Almost a year later, Harry Ducworth hasn't given up tracking down his lost son. Each evening, he returns to the park where Kyle used to play. There, he waits patiently until early morning, hoping for just a brief glimpse of his son. "That boy's in a mess of trouble. When I bag him, me and his momma are going to give him a mean whippin" Ducworth said.]]></description>
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      <title>Michael Vick: Dogs Were Electrocuted In Self-Defense</title>
      <pubDate>Mon, 30 Jul 2007 18:38:19 -0400</pubDate>
      <link>http://www.dumbening.com/rss/7-30-07.html</link>
      <description><![CDATA[NFL star Michael Vick greeted reporters Monday in an attempt to ease mounting outrage over his alleged involvement in organized dogfighting. In an impromptu press conference, Vick explained that his role in the deaths of eight dogs was greatly exaggerated.

"I would never willingly hurt a dog. However, in eight non-consecutive instances, I was forced to defend myself from dog attacks. In each of those instances, the death of the attacking dog resulted."]]></description>
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